I'm practicing taking ten deep breaths and censoring myself every two seconds in response to stuff I find challenging. I know that the majority of the people in my life (both personal life and wider Internetz life) are cool with me, and I know that focusing on those who aren't is a monumental waste of time. I know that what's best for me is to ignore ~ completely ignore without exception ~ the crap and focus instead on the love, the shiny, the work, the forward thrust toward what I want.
I'm also working on being less thorn and more rose in the world (which is kicking my ass!) and that is a worthy undertaking.
But, (you saw that coming, didn't you?) being the control freak that I am, I have been desperately needing to do *something* while ignoring stuff. I have this uncontrollable need to process out loud what is happening in my life in a place where someone who might need to see it might see it. And in this very powerless feeling place, I need *something*, goddess help me, ANYTHING to give me the (okay, false but temporarily satisfying) sense that I am not powerless over teh Internetz Dramaz.
So, yesterday, I was thinking about writing out what is known in recovery circles as a fearless moral inventory of all my failings and character defects and posting it here so people could just copy and paste it when they want to talk about me on the Intertubz.Then I thought I should write a blanket disclaimer using all the labels that have been applied to me. I considered erecting a page like the one over on Dooce.com (one of my personal heroes) in which she has cleverly monetized the 'hate' that gets dumped in her comments and inbox on a regular basis. (It is a meme now, hating Dooce. I wonder if I will ever be that popular?)
I decided against that, too, because who needs to be reminded of one's own bad press every time one goes to one's blog?
I spent three hours writing what can only be described as a venty screed. I let it all out. I did not hold back. I was feeling a lot liked I'd been wandering around like a battered wife holding her lips together and her guts in.
But that's awfully victimy, and I don't want to feed that either. So I deleted it.
And then I decided to talk to a friend I trust, who helped me get perspective. And then she sent me this blog post, which seriously, you should NOT read if you are enjoying a beverage of any kind.
(Go read it! You will laugh so hard your guts will hurt! I'll wait...)
So I read it and I laughed so hard my guts hurt, and I sent it to my husband who also laughed so hard he FARTED and we decided that $38.00 in shipping charges was not too much to own one of those $16.00 metal chickens. I whipped out the credit card and I ordered one and I'm now waiting to put it in my work space so every time I think "I should waste my time and energy fighting a battle that isn't even mine to fight" I will see said metal chicken and laugh my ass off.
Perspective. I can has it.
So, here's what I decided to do in the end. I decided to focus on the people I love. I decided to write an open letter to those who might be scared to act on their impulse to follow their dream because they saw someone else get lambasted on The Internetz.
Dear Shiny Soul With Tender Dreams:
This whole Internetz Drama thing? It happens to a lot of people who start to get 'too big for their britches' according to those who would prefer you to stay small. It has happened to many 'big name' and 'small fry' mixed media artists. It has happened to many pagan community leaders, many poets, many content providers. Almost everyone gets hatemail. Almost every one gets bad press. Some get more than others depending on how controversial they are, or how hard they push back. It's not just you. It's not even about you. It's a part of the process.
What I've learned so far is that the harder I push *back* the worse it gets, and the less energy I have to do my work. Pushing back is not only a waste of my time, but it feeds the very thing I *don't want in my life*. So don't push back. Learn from my mistakes. Ignore it. Seriously. Pay it about as much attention as it's worth: none.
Chin up. Eyes on the prize. Push on instead of pushing back. Don't stop. Don't believe your own bad press. Listen to those who value you. Do your fearless moral inventories. Keep yourself in check. Admit to those who come to you with honest grievances when you have wronged them, but do not, for one second believe that some random, mean-spirited, vitriolic person on the Internet is entitled to ONE SECOND of your time, ONE TEAR from your eyes, ONE MOMENT of your consideration.
Maybe everyone will abandon you because someone on the Internetz thinks they should but that's not what tends to happen. What tends to happen is that those who criticize your shiny things instead of spending their time and energy creating their own shiny thing attract to themselves exactly the kind of people you don't want anywhere near you, and they get to sit around talking about how awful you are. Meanwhile, you get to do your work, create kick ass content, and hang out with the fun, self-aware, nonjudgey, thriving, glitter flinging, amazing, insightful, supportive, encouraging, gorgeous people that you *do* want in your life.
The DramaLlama is an excellent gardner. It prunes your rose bushes. It dead heads your poppies. It weed whacks. If you let it do its work without pushing back, it will ensure that you are surrounded by the people who value you, appreciate you and support you in your work in this world.
***
Now THAT was worth my time.
Hallelujah.
Love & Glitter,
Effy
