Love & Glitter

Gooooooood Day

This image was floating around Facebook the other day and I have no idea who to credit it to, but it makes me so flipping happy that I thought I'd share it here. I can't get over that look in her eyes! It looks to me like she's saying "I made dis. See?" with a heart bursting with pride and love. 

I know how she feels. :)

Today has been incredibly productive. I finished moving the archives from the old blog for BOD2012 over here to the new private blog I have set up for it. So far, I've only heard from one person that they couldn't get in, so I'm assuming the issue is on her side. (Totally bummer for her, but I'm sure she'll get it figured out!)

I bought an HD video camera!! No, I haven't won the contest I was trying to win (yet). It closes on the 28th so I won't know until then, but I bought the camera on faith knowing that whatever happens, I will replace the money from my savings. (So if you want to help out with that, could you buy a Goddess Year Guidebook using this link? Whoever sells the most gets a $500 bonus!) 

It's a Panasonic and I don't know all the specs because while I am a geek, I'm a different kind of geek than the kind that knows all the tech specs on tech toys. What I can tell you is that there is a huge improvement in the quality of video even when I save it small enough so it doesn't eat up my member's bandwidth. It's crisp, clear, and gorgeous and I could not be happy with it. I gave it a test run today for the latter half of our Week 2 Multi-spread video and yowza. Gorjwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I am stoked!

In Other News

I'm knackered. I did something to my back yesterday for which it is taking revenge on me. I have a solid knot right between my shoulder blades. 

Still, despite a limited range of motion, I managed to get today's video recorded, and all the archives moved over (though I have to prettify it yet and fix formatting on some of the posts), fed the dogs (we make our own dog food), played with the puppies, (Blossom, at 5 weeks, is already paper trained! Puck is...well...a little slow on the uptake yet.), composed a newsletter, answered all my e-mails, rinsed and stacked the dishes, cleaned the studio, and then edited the video to be sent out with the newsletter.

Yes, I'm bragging. :)

Goooooooooood Day. 

Tonight is for...

Bagging out. Totally and utterly. I've got a case of Brava (a Corona knock off) and limes to stick in the bottle neck. I've got a happy husband and warm puppies. I am kid-free. I am required to do *nothing*.

And that, folks, is exactly what I'm fixin' to do.

 

Love & Glitter

Effy

P.S. I am in the process of registering Book of Days as a trade-mark. For now, it's: Book of Days™ but in the not so distant future it will be Book of Days®. I figured since I named it, I should claim it. I also bought bookofdays.org and will be redirecting that to our private blog shortly. Woo!

All Kinds Of Wonderful

So...I've been busy.

BOD, which I imagined would capture the affection and imagination of a few dozen people has turned into a ginormous undertaking with over 800 sign-up.  I'm blown away by the response and humbled and grateful for every single person who takes the time to open my thrice weekly newsletter, read my dispatches, watch my videos and then post what they did in response on Facebook or Flickr. 

It's been amazing, but it also means that I have had time for little else. The Studio? Languishing. My own work on classes I'm taking? Non-existant. Housework?

I can has a maid now please kthnxbai!

All the same, this is living. I wake up every morning excited to see what's been posted. I get the loveliest e-mails and private messages. I am encouraged and supported beyond belief.

Your patience here has been appreciated as well. 

I've come up against a problem. I have too many things happening in too many places and it's time to consolidate to the best of my ability. I want my blog, BOD, and the e-courses I produce to live in one handily accessible spot, so I will be moving things here to this new spot over the next days and weeks.

What Does That Mean For Wild Precious Studio?

Well, Jeanette is running Creative POP on a private blog to see how that venue works for her. She has very limited energy due to her ME/Fibro and can't be looking after WPS and her own income generating affairs. I am running BOD via newsletter, Facebook and a (soon to be) private blog. I am starting to feel torn in too many directions.

I'm doing To See Us Through The Long Dark: Life Is A Verb in February of this year. I will be syndicating the content in both Wild Precious and the BOD newsletter (in slightly different formats to accomodate each venue). We'll see how that goes. If there is oodles of interaction in Facebook/Private Blog/E-mail and little in the Studio (as there was last time we tried to run this program) then I'll have my answer. The site will remain up until the end of October 2012, but at that point we will let it lapse. All purchased content will be archived on private blogs, so you will lose *nothing* and I will gain the almost $300 a year it costs to run a NING. 

I'm already leaning heavily toward letting it go, but the LIAV programme will be our final attempt to make it go vroom vroom. I have come to dislike the way it's organized, and I'm not too keen on our prospects should SOPA pass, either. The thought of being responsible for all that content - content I can't possibly keep track of - scares the beejeebers out of me. I'd rather have places that limit what people can post to links to their own blogs than face having my entire site taken down because someone posted copyrighted content.

So, that's where I'm at with it. Jeanette and I talked about it for a long time today and we can both see that our interests are taking us elsewhere: outside of a NING, into our own individual projects that we can run according to our own energy levels, personal styles, budgetary concerns, and tastes. I love that girl like she's my sister, though, so please do not think for a second that this is a personal rift between us. I know some of you will look for the drama, so I'll save you the work. There is none!

Unless You Count Excitement.

There is plenty of *that* kind of drama. There is so much going on in my life right now and all of it worth flinging glitter over. My husband remarked the other day that he has never seen me so happy in Winter. He's seen me in the grip of seasonal affective disorder for seven winters since we met. It doesn't look anything like this bouncy, happy, glitter encrusted, organized, BUSY girl he's having dinner with every night.

We're both eternally grateful. 

Thank you for rocking my ever loving poptarts. I will keep you posted on all fronts.

Love & Glitter,

Effy The Wild

 

 

Negative People?

Whenever I hear about people ditching the 'negative' people in their lives, my head goes all math-y. I see a minus sign. I giggle a little at how my idiotically literal mind works sometimes.

And then I wonder if it isn't more honest to say "I'm ditching the people in my life who I don't like" or "I'm ditching the people in my life who don't like me" or "I'm ditching that biatch who pissed me off."

That's what I'd say. But then, I'm pretty sure I have Asperger's. *laughs*

What A Blissful Start

Before the New Year's Bells rang, an announcement went out that Life Book 2012 was OPEN! Well, I ran my little hindie over to take a peek, and whoa! Such gorgeousness! I'm already half done my first spread, and I can't wait to show you my *first* 3/4 profile portrait ever! Then, my middle kid and his wife came over and we had an absolutely blissful NYE celebration with sipping of things and nibbling of things and watching of Bladerunner. *bliss* New Year's Day found me livestreaming for over 80 people over here. I recorded it for posterity. What a blast we had! Here's what I made: I am busier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs with BOD2012. I woke up on my very first official Monday of 2012 to discover that 602 people had signed up. Six hundred and two. (There were 614 when last I checked. This is *crazy!*) And there are over 300 people in the Facebook group making beautiful messes and showing their work, supporting one another. Mahoosively awesome. And, of course, I am arting! I made this gorgeousness today:

And posted all the photos from my BOD to date in my Flickr, too. There will be more from me tomorrow because I want to tell you about Open Studio (which I'm signed up for) and Jan Fox's 52 Playdates and Jeanette's Creative POP but I made a video today and wrote a newsletter and responded to a bazillion messages, so I am teh knackered. Love and Glitter, Effy

Adversity Is A Gift

My son and I were visiting a few days ago and we were talking about how difficult things were for us for a few years there. We were wondering out loud how that might have formed us as people and he said that he believes we are more interesting as a result: that he might not like himself as much had he had it easy. This resonated with me, and I was very glad to hear it. Like most parents, I have regrets about the things my children have experienced as a result of my bad choices. Intellectually, I get that I did my best with what I had at the time, but there is a place within me that holds a lot of sorrow. Having one of your children tell you, in a nutshell, that it's all good, that the light streams through the cracks, and that we are better people because of what we experience is incredibly redemptive. It got me to thinking about how I deal with adversity.

ad·ver·si·ty [ad-vur-si-tee] 1. adverse fortune or fate; a condition marked by misfortune, calamity, or distress: A friend will show his or her true colors in times of adversity. 2. an adverse or unfortunate event or circumstance: You will meet many adversities in life.

The first thing I do when faced with adversity is this: I lose my shit. I cry. I experience intense frustration. I rail against it. I resist. This doesn't work, but it has been a part of my process for so long that I'm unsure how to skip to the next part, which is much more fruitful: Surrender. I ask myself what I can do. If I *can* do something, I do it. If I can't, I let go of control and I move *with it*, within the confines of whatever I'm experiencing, be it a misunderstanding, a failed project, a dying dream... And then miracles happen. I'll give you an example. I had a really tough couple of months during which I was butting heads with a couple of people. I expressed a boundary, and they, not liking it, expressed (in vitriolic terms) their newfound opinion of me based on my refusal to meet their needs. I kept pushing back with stronger boundaries. They pushed back with accusations. I knee-jerk reacted and disengaged from anyone who appeared to be 'siding with' the unhappy parties, and though I don't regret disengaging, I do regret how much I let their public display of 'not liking Effy' impact me. That was the 'losing my shit' bit. I was slain by this experience ~ so much so that I was contemplating completely disconnecting from the Internet. I couldn't see past the pain of it. There wasn't one place I felt safe. All my old tape around my worth came up and hit me between the eyes. So, I surrendered. I embraced a completely personal art practice that had nothing to do with creating content (couch art!). I took classes that interested me. I spent less time on line. I journaled about the situation until I came to a place of utter peace with it after writing this in my journal: "Some people aren't going to like you. Some of the people that don't like you are going to be mean about it. Get over it." And that was that. Utter surrender. The couch art morphed into a daily art practice that included memory keeping. This morphed into my "Book of Days" practice that I'm now sharing with close to 500 people ~ people who don't seem to have any sense of entitlement around what I'm doing for them. I am surrounded by the friends that remained after the smoke cleared, and new friends who respond to my gifts as though they are gifts. They are the light shining in my broken places and without the experience of losing hope, disconnecting, disillusionment and despair, I couldn't have moved into this next phase of my journey. Adversity will come again, and I'm going to do my level best to skip the 'losing my shit' part of the equation. Because adversity is a stone in the river between the shore of 'maybe' and the shore of 'ta-da!'. xo Effy

Two Thousand And Eleven

Best year of my life, bar none. I selected the word "emerge" at the end of 2010, and then proceeded to bust out all over the place with mixed media journal art, starting and evolving with Wild Precious Studio, and working through some very old tape.

I let go...

...of worrying about what other people think about me. It's none of my business and adjusting who I am to suit others is not my job.

...of wondering if I'm suitable or acceptable. I let go of minding when I'm not someone's cup of tea.

...of anxiety over how things are going. They are going how they're going. If I can fix it, I do. If I can't, I let go...

...of perfectionism as an option. It isn't an option. The messier my life is, the more potential for growth. Perfection is boring.

...of believing I have to be an expert to begin. I don't. I have a lot to offer by way of my enthusiasm. I am enough, right here, right now, even with my limited knowledge.

...of believing that I have to win people over. People will love me or they won't. Stressing about it is a monumental waste of time.

...of hiding. I emerged. I came out. I shouted from the rooftops.

...of labeled spirituality. I am a mystic. It is perfect for me. Life is a buffet. I want to taste it all.

...the need for a degree (be that academic or spiritual). I need neither to prove myself. I need only do the Work.

I embraced...

...the reality that I am an artist.

...the love of the *right people*.

...my history as having brought me here.

...my enoughness.

...my audacity.

...boundary setting as a virtue.

...the fact that I will always be a work in progress (and I'm delighted about it).

...my own limitations.

I'm claiming the word Trust for 2012. It's challenging and I admit the word does have some negative connotations for me. I was raised in an environment in which truth-telling was not safe, and so I lied. A lot. About what I felt, what I'd done, who I was. I was not trustworthy in my childhood, in my teenage-hood, in my early adulthood. After a few years of therapy, I embraced Truth as a holy war against the abuse I'd experienced. It was my jihad. I was not tactful or subtle or kind. I lacked every social grace. But I refused to lie, and that has gotten me into a lot of hot water over the years.

It was worth it, but now I want to learn to trust my own instincts with regards to truth-telling (and everything else). When is it worth it? When is it just an invitation to chaos? Who is worthy of my truth? I want to learn to trust others, too. To be who they are. To be human and imperfect. To do what they do for their own reasons. I want to trust because trusting both myself and others means I can relax for once in my life. I can surrender to things being what they are rather than trying to tightly control it, steer it, make it so.

It is what it is. I want to love what is, and you can't love without trust, so there you have it.

I'm planning a post before Jan 1 that features all the exciting things I'm undertaking in 2012, but I wanted to mention here and now that two things are rocking my pop-tarts.

Lifebook and Book of Days.

Gorgeousness is happening in both places. The first is an incredible year long collaboration among some of the best teachers in the world of mixed media. The second is a year long love affair with journal art and memory keeping. These two projects are nearest and dearest to me, and I would be over the moon excited to have you join me in either (or both!).

Click the links for details. :)

Blessings, lovelies. And love! And GLITTER!

xo

Effy

Blessed Solstice

Weep not, beloved, for the light returns. 

I Have Sucked The Marrow

This year is wrung. the eff. out. I have devoured it whole, cracked its bones and sucked the marrow. I am nourished beyond comprehension and ready ~ so, so ready ~ for the year to come. As I type, Peter Gabriel serenades me on iTunes (Shaking The Tree ~ what a delicious album!) and I am sipping something yuletide-y. The candles flicker merrily. The dogs are fat and happy. The house is empty and I am blissing out on solitude. All is well. You know? I never expect to come back around to these feeling but *I always do.* All is well, all is well. All manner of things are well. The longest night passed with me warmly embraced by Tribe. We released and celebrated. We laughed and ooh'd and aah'd. We did The Great Work of being spiritual beings having a human experience. And then, I curled up with my husband and let Louis CK tickle my politically incorrect funny bone. I know things are rough out there, and I have empathy for those who can't say with their whole heart "All is well". But here? In the little house that could? On the red leather couch? Things couldn't really be much better. Thank you for the part you play in that. All my love, Effy

Releasing & Celebrating

Everyone and their mother is talking about releasing before embracing the year to come. Being a bit of a mystic, I *love* this idea, and I love the process of sitting down to 'harvest' the year in a sense. I like to look over old posts, flip through my ever-growing collection of art journals and get a sense for what the year held for me. Instead of just pushing right on in to 2012, I want to stop, take a breath, unplug, and honour what this year brought me. Being as authentic as I can means I must not only celebrate my triumphs, but poke around in my failures, too. Because, listen: nothing good ever happens without failures. Failures are the mossy rocks across the river between the shore of 'maybe' and the shore of 'ta da!'. It's been my experience that if you don't fall in to the river of 'uh oh' a few times, you haven't pushed yourself hard enough. As much as I believe in the metrics of ease, I also believe in challenging myself to move outside my comfort zone. I believe in tackling things I might fail to accomplish. The experiences I have when I push myself a little harder than I think I can go are, bar none, the best, most growthful experiences I can have. Last year I started Wild Precious. It was not just a step outside the box. It was the mother of all leaps, and the experience is one I wouldn't give up for anything. There were times when things got hard. There were times when my social awkwardness got the better of me and I felt like throwing in the towel. There were times when I lost sight of the point and got caught up in 'oohhh shiny'. There were times when I ran too far ahead, tripped, and fell flat on my face in a pile of doo doo. Much learning happened. You know what else happened? I found you. You found me. I fell in love. Over and over again. My art practice developed. I came out of hiding. I emerged. I slayed dragons. I planted seeds. I grew. I soared. It has been completely gorgeous. On December 22, 2011, I am hosting two a chat at 9 p.m. EST. These will take place in a video platform that allows those of you with webcams to come on and do a little show and tell or simply share what you are releasing for the year. Officially, this chat is for participants in Book of Days 2012 (which is free! 206 people have already signed up! You would be sooooo welcome to join us!) but I want to connect with all of you ~ anyone who has something to release. Anyone who wants to celebrate the year that's passing. Anyone who want to smile and say "I did it." You can RSVP here for the 9 p.m. EST chat. If you like, you can bring a collage or art journal spread that represents when you're releasing or celebrating. Mad Love & Glitter, Effy Have you heard about Lifebook? How about Book of Days? I'd love to see you in either place. xo  

Trust Part II

...I didn't meant to leave you all hanging there yesterday. I wanted to finish the post and wrap it up in something shiny and happy so I didn't bum you out, but the truth is that writing what I did completely overwhelmed me. I rarely look at those years as a whole, you know? I have compartmentalized it in my head ~ probably because looking at it all as a whole is really fricken overwhelming. But what I was getting to was this: My superpower is being afraid and doing it anyway. I am afraid to trust (as I was sharing in yesterday's post) and for some pretty damned compelling reasons. And often in my life (maybe because I attract these kinds of lessons) I put myself in a position where I fear trusting, yet do it anyway, and this brings heartache. It also brings gifts of such value that it makes the heartache seem worth it. My husband calls this my 'jihad'. People in contemporary America and in radical terrorist groups have corrupted this word to mean a 'war against infidels' but the actual definition is 'struggle' in the highest sense of the word. Spiritual struggle. The holy war waged within oneself to overcome one's character defects. My struggle is to be afraid and do it anyway ~ to fear trusting but to trust anyway until it comes to light that my trust is ill-placed. But the work I've done all these years on trust has been extended outward instead of applied where it needed to be applied *first*. Because this is what I'm realizing: if I do not trust *myself*, I will put my trust in the wrong people for the wrong reasons. If I don't trust my spidey senses, I will put myself in situations that I don't have the social graces to get out of without a shit storm.  I've been doing it backwards. I've been trying to trust outside of myself before I trust my own inner knowing. And then when I find I've invested in someone or something that isn't right for me (for whatever reason) I beat myself up for investing foolishly or too soon or without foresight. All that could be avoided if I did not second guess myself in the first place. The assumption is always this: I'm wrong. I'm paranoid. My filters are fucked therefore whatever I think I know, I'm wrong. I'm wrong. I'm wrong. But what reality is teaching me is this: I'm usually right. When my red flags go off and I don't listen, *I* am putting myself in the position I'm in. I *know* better, yet by not trusting my knowing, I might as well be tying myself to the tracks upon which the train wreck will occur. And when I don't trust my instincts? The train wreck comes, I get to rinse and repeat because man, do I ever know how to beat myself bloody over what a failure I am. You know? I've been falling into the same hole my whole life and when I look back on the relationships and situations I've entered that did not work out very well, I realize that in every single case, I knew before hand that this was not right for me...that there was something off, some red flag, some indicator that I should not proceed. And I ignored it. And that's not cool. So I'm going to stop that. (How's that for shiny and happy?) xo Effy